As I reminiscence over my life, I remember there was a time I lived as an imposter. There was a time in my life when I portrayed this imagine of a strong, intelligent and confident woman. However, on the inside, my insecurities were screaming, trying to get out and show themselves. Although I managed to hide them, my insecurities had a major impact on my life and I am mindful of them today.
Questioned if I was good enough
Wanted more for my life but was afraid to acknowledge it
Opportunities I didn't pursue
Didn't have the belief, trust, and faith that I could achieve what I desired
Needed help but refused to ask
Afraid of rejection and failure
Ruled by my ego
During this time, every day I made conscious decisions not to acknowledge my insecurities, and lived afraid to allow the world to see the real me.
Today what's interesting, as I look back, I think the world saw exactly who I was. I was fighting so hard to portray this imagine that I am sure my insecurities showed up in many ways. For instance, how I acted and responded to people, not let them get too close, not being as open and receptive, afraid they would see the person I was trying to hide.
Over the years I have acknowledged and worked hard to address my insecurities, to overcome them. Through therapy, coaching and the grace of God, I can stand, living and being true to myself. I no longer have to hide. I am not afraid of being judged and there is no internal screaming. I know that I am good enough, and have the belief and faith that I can achieve what I desire. I am free and at peace. Because of all the hard work I can say for sure, I am confident, intelligent, kind, passionate and open for the world to see me just as I am.
Today, I make conscious decisions to remove anything that would prevent me from being true to myself, pursuing my desires and living a fulfilling life.
Acknowledging my insecurities and working through them has empowered me. Although I will always be mindful of my past insecurities and quick to not turn away if any signs of them attempt to appear, I am no longer an imposter. I am free.